Riding a bicycle

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Hey there,

what are those things called chances? Yesterday I went to a party waiting for a friend to get with her other friends in the club. I waited for about half an hour and then I went back home because I got the feeling of being alone and my heart began to race. Maybe it was some kind of a panic attack but I don’t really know. Never had such a thing I think. My former doctor never diagnosed this. I am searching for another therapist who can discover with me the dark shadows that lay on my past and are influencing my present.

The importance of this happening to me is immense. After the impact of waiting lonely with no other person in front of the club I talked to a friend of mine on the phone for about 3 hours. What let’s me feel good and what not. Sometimes we don’t use chances because we are held back by some keen emotions and commemorations. We are influenced by the social impact we got in our whole lifetime and with this melt pot of thoughts, experiences we try to master the way of life.

So what does Einstein want to say with this quote? In my opinion and you don’t have to agree with that he could have wanted to remind us that we decide in which way our life has to go. We have to decide. There is this free will of ours and the more or less great possibilities in life that we can pursue. But we have to take the chances and be true to ourself. In my belief and that is what I am learning now in days like these is that when you know what you want and stay to your right you can achieve real happiness. Whatever it takes ask yourself what makes yourself happy and do those things you got in mind. And if you don’t really know what would make yourself happy try something out that you think of could make you happy.

I wish you an awesome day,

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Talking heals the world

Hey there,

today I wanna talk about the immense impact a little tattle can have on the relationship to another person. Sometimes there are aspects in the correlation you got with a person but there are things unsaid. Things that keep you quiet and you think you have to behave strong or not that natural in front of that person as you’d like to be.

We reason for this particular feeling is that you got anxiety. You won’t show your feelings because it makes you vulnerable or maybe the person gets another picture of you. In most cases these unsaid things block the most wonderful part of a relationship. Truth and adjacency. These things are only achieved by the hazard of getting yourself straight in a particular situation to this person.

Talk truth about a thing you really feel and you’ll get the answer. It’s hard to see but if you get into this dangerous field maybe you’ll win even more.

Are you afraid of showing your real self in front of a person? Are there unsaid things you just can’t say but are disturbing your relationship? Write it into the comments. ^^

I wish you an awesome day,

Your Henni

One thing at a time

Hey there,
Todays topic is something that many of you maybe do or not do intentionally. Procrastination.

We all got things to do and really want to do them well. But sometimes we get so distracted by other things that seem more interesting or important to us that we forget about the formerly mission.

I get hold back by many things and distracted easily. Sometimes i feel very depressed about it and fear that I could hit redundancy and die on the streets. That’s just the worst and I really hope no one of you will hit this stage in your life of becoming homeless. Here in Germany we got a social network that catches nearly everyone. Even those who cannot work anymore and are hit by a hard depression. I know that this is not the case in every country and I’m really happy that I can live here in Germany.

The main reason i am talking about procrastination is because i am trying to get a grip of the tasks that are offered to me. Like do a scribble of that, render this and take a photo of that. The importance of doing one thing after another in such harsh times of being everywhere is that you are just one person at a time.

When I eat, I eat. When I sit, I sit.

This can be said for nearly everything. Of course you should make plans. But when you work on something, do it right and don’t get distracted by those many other possibilities.

Have an awesome day,

Your Henni

Love in a time of social networks

Hey there,

we live in a time of social networks. Most of us use facebook to connect to different friends in various countries and with miscellaneous tongues. Within all this social life what is a hug worth?

What are kisses and real testimonies of value in those times?

Let’s see how social networks are working. Not the explanation of industrial economics. What I am talking about is the socially trend we are pursuing. Many people are sitting in front of their device and are communicating and in some cases it is really good to do it that way but are we really holding contact? Here I can only speak in my own experience with social networks like facebook, twitter and so on. We share our own life with a vast mass of people. Whether it’s the neighbor whom we see only if we accidentically meet at the letterbox or on a festivity held by one of the neighbors you are really chummy with. It is only an example for the arbitrariness we are having friends and holding contact with people.

Do we really need that much information of gentries that we use up time that we could use for others we really care about?

My relationship with facebook was quitted now about one and a half month ago. It’s not like a miss those gently reminders of birthdays or invitations to parties. The crucial argument I substitute is that we should really care more for the people we love. When there is a party and I am not invited by someone because I haven’t got facebook then I am sorry. Maybe I wasn’t even welcome on this party anyway.

I get a little nostalgic although I am only twenty one now. There was once a time when we called each other when we got problems. Most people just write a short message instead of talking to each other. We create a enormous amount of friends that we actually don’t know that much.

Can we really call 501 friends really friends? Maybe they are more acquaintances and the term is a little exaggerated by the social network but we are watching posts that aren’t even relevant for our own life on a timeline which we should moreover direct in the real life.

Like in the song of Ingrid Michaelson it just feels good to get a like or reply or whatever that acknowledges you exist. Scientists found out that a like or comment to our content we post on social media triggers our brain to produce endorphins which are mostly known for creating happiness in our mind. You can say those social medias can become a drug and are apprehended in Britain as a real addiction sickness. The folks who have got this problem need a therapy and are showing nearly the same symptoms like drug addicts and other addicts.

The social networks can be a trap. Many sociologists are stating that social networks are helping to create an even better network for many of us. How many of us forget that there is also a group of people who get more and more anxious of the real world. I am affected by this problem as well. It’s not a heavy burden like it was before two years though I feel real fear while thinking of some social actions.

Love can only be achieved by real contact. There is no thing that could ever replace a genuine hug or kiss. No chat nor written words in a network. The reality teaches that we only feel beloved when we get in contact with humans in the real world.

I wish you a wonderful day with people who love you,

Your Henni

Appreciation

Hey there,

I wish you all a good morning. Here in Germany we have got about 8am. Laying on my couch and try to wake up so I can go to school at 12am.

Today I want to talk about motivation and in a way also about inspiration. We all need this. Motivation. Whatever we do we do it to get something back. Sounds very selfish but that’s not the case. In most cases you expect some kind of appreciation. Maybe that’s an even better word for this. Appreciation. Either we would be very disappointed. If no one ever notices that you have done what you have done what is the case you have done it? Could be also a problem of mine if you don’t agree with me but in most cases when I do something for another person I only want at least that people react to it. That’s also a kind of acknowledgment.

In these days I don’t feel like my work is that appreciated by others. And also not by myself. And there lies the big truth. When I see my own work I really don’t like it that much. Is it the dissatisfaction with my own life. I have got so much and though I don’t feel fulfilled and happy. It’s weird but the most needed things are so essential and simple as you can think of. Human proximity. Friendship. Love.

Thank you for reading. I wish you an awesome day.

Your Henni

Settle Things

Hey there,

today I got an real issue to talk about. It’s kind a lack of mine and maybe some of you suffer from it like I do. Today I got a real long conversation on the phone with my mom who told me some things about my childhood and gave me her opinion about my feelings about future and my self-confidence.

In this conversation the most discussed topic and she read out a long list for me whether I have or have not a disease called Attention deficit disorder (abbr. ADD). It’s a disease which symptoms are lack of concentration, organisation and sometimes even social issues that combine to problem what can really make your life complicated.

I’m not a hypochondriac but the list my mom read out to me came really close to some situations I went through since my time as a teenager. So in the next weeks I’ll do a test at the doc to get the things straight. If I should have ADD then I know what to fight against and how to get rid of some of the symptoms. In the case all should work well and I get to know why my life is sometimes so overwhelming and not satisfying that would be the next step to get a aim to live for.

If there is someone who has got this disease I would really like to talk to him or her. Only to know what could await me afterwards if the test at the doc would be positive. Maybe I have hope to find something to know what problems I am fighting against. My psychological problems are so misty and not quite to see through.

Many people are under harsh conditions in this world. Many of us are living in a social isolation. I don’t want to live in this circumstances anymore. I want a live worth living with people to die for and people who love me like I am and also give everything.

I hope you have some of those. Or if not I’ll wish you the best to find someone who endows you the best of all presents in life: friendship.

Thanks for reading. Wish you an awesome day,

Your Henni

Karaoke Love

Hey there,

today i want to talk about a topic that i avoided a long time ago or maybe not recognized it as a real problem to myself. The social anxiety disorder.

It is characterized by intense fear in one or more social situations,causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. (Wikipedia, 2014)

So what is it all about and why is the title of this article called karaoke love? I can answer to those questions but first i have to talk about the past so maybe the present is more plausable. In my memory it all started in my teenager years. Somehow i was not able to get a grip of the greater groups. Maybe it was because i quitted sports or maybe because i just isolated more provoked by an inner fear that the person i spoke to just badmouthed me afterwards. With every single move i took or word i spoke the feeling got stronger. And so the virtual reality became a part of me. Not that i really got used to it. I played games like World of Warcraft and stuff but never really did it with an real aim. It felt good to have something to do. I forgot how to live outside of the box. To explore the world and have fun doing so. So now every day i lived where quite similar to each other.

 

Coming home from school starting the computer and having some “fun” in another dimension that was invented by other people. As years past by i lost more and more contact to my friends who could’nt understand why i quit the contact to them. When i think of my own reaction in those days it’s like talking about a deer staring into the light cones of an accommodating car. I felt quite unwell talking to my friends. In those days i had some male friends and before i started to ask myself if i’m worthy to talk to them i really had fun doing some activities with them. The social isolation culminated in a suicide attempt which i survived.

Back to the title. It’s called karaoke love because yesterday I was out with a girl in an irish pub. We met before on a pub crawl the week before and we said we could meet the week after. The conversation was’nt that fluid because the days before i suffered in loneliness which I really can’t defy now. When I think of this loneliness I just want to get noticed and maybe need love or something like this. It’s hard to explain this feeling. But we talked about some nerdy stuff like cellphones and videogames and music. At quarter past nine the karaoke started. On this I sang about 5 songs in front of a crowd of about 300 people which filled the bar. The first songs my left leg was shaking like hell because i were that nervous. After a few beers my anxiety left me more and more and I talked more with her and people we met from another meeting we had in the past.

The evening went on and on and so it soon was 1am in the morning. The girl left the bar and I followed because I met with her and thought it would be nice to bring her home. Not to have a kiss or something like this. That’s also another story of which I could write a book about. So then I said to our groups that i would also like to go home and felt some kind of embarrassed due to the fact that it seemed like I would like to go home with that girl and have sex or something like that. It’s always the same with these thoughts. They overtake me and give me a bad feeling about my own behaviour. However these thoughts about my behaviour affect my attitude. It’s kind of a vicious circle I felt in.

Those situation happen so often that I decided to continue my therapy to get rid of this curious disease I got when I come to certain social interactions.

Wish you the best. Have a nice day sis and bros!

Your Henni

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