Back to the future

Hey there,

my name is Henni and today I want to talk about the feeling of nostalgia. When I think back to my childhood there is some decent stuff and also some things that I don’t even remember and I am kind a happy about this. So when thinking about the past what is the reason for doing so?

Remembering old things is because we were happy in those times. When you think of a happy relationship. What are the most remembered parts of it? The happy ones. Oh that’s not true you may say. Yes of course not. The things we mostly remember are the things that burn into our souls and never let go. I’m not talking about the bad neither the good’ol days darlings. No only about that shit that sticking out events in our lives. That’s nothing new you may say but today it occurred to me and that was not the first time the recall got me back.

It wasn’t everything fine in my childhood. Maybe I realise it now when I am 21. Yes I am socially disturbed. I don’t know why. Happenings happened and they burned into me like a glowing nail piled into butter. I melted and was deformed and now I am what formed me. A ball of the shifts my life had for me now in my starting twenties. Maybe I will look back like I do now and think:

Hey, wooow, that stuff in the twenties was some decent shit. Yeah, hopefully I will never look down to myself like that ever again.

Whatever will happen in my thirties this is what is now. I am not truly happy about the conjunctures I am currently living in nor am I that sad to say I want to end it the bad way ( like many blogs I have read in my bad years do ). Today I collect some broken pieces of mine and try to figure out why I have changed like I have changed. Maybe it’s wrong to recognize this at 23 pm here in Germany but that’s ok. The day tommorow will be a new Wednesday. New changes, new things to explore. So why not doing so?

Let the old stuff behind and begin to understand why I am on this earth. Is there a greater purpose that I don’t understand now? I don’t think so. The greatest purpose in life one can ever make is to believe in him or herself and form the bulk of life he was gifted with to be happy. That’s in some way part of my sense of life.

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate that. I wish you an awesome day.

 

 

 

Desolation in the crowd

Hey there,

my name is Henni and today I want to talk about a feeling I had on monday this week. Me and a friend of mine went shopping for some trousers and shirts. Even though we visited many stores I could not concentrate myself on the mission. It was like I wasn’t there. Like being in another dimension but was hold in a body searching for some blue jeans.

It’s a strange feeling and I hope no one of you has this. Most likely many of you fall into daydreams and have to be awaken. So we went on and my friend asked me out of a sudden: “We don’t have to go through the stores if you don’t want to. Or do you?”

It hit me like a minitruck ( had not such an impact because it was only a daydream and not an emotional state of mine of which I was ripped out.

The feeling of not truly being there is awful. When you are woken up it’s like being raised out of a warm bath where everything was smooth and soft. The real world feels too sharp too real to perceive. However the world clock ticks and ticks merciless and I’m hanging on one pointer threatened to fall off when it’s half o’clock.

Did you ever had a feeling of not quite getting the grip of a situation you were in? How did you fell afterwards? Let me know in the comments. 🙂

I wish you an awesome day,

 

Bang Bang

Hey there,

my name is Henni and today I want to talk about the fall in love. Many films deal with the topic of love and especially romantic films. They are watched with your fiancé or with yourself and a bit pack of icecreme (only to fulfill the cliche).
Whatever it is we long for that feeling to be loved and be cared for. Humans are social beings who need to interact and show their feelings. Even men need to do this although many think it’s totally unmanly to do so.
For myself I have to state that I really love falling in love. In many cases i do this mostly too early because of my social problems and deficiency but that’s me. I’m a person who falls in love very fast and let the heart speak out what the mind cannot say.
It’s like being hit by a car frontal and you can’t even react to that thing. Like a deer staring into the light cones.
Blood pumps faster and faster and the eyes are fixed. Nearly like a drug addict you can’t think of anything else.

I really wish you the best and that you will find the love of your life. And if you already have found a special someone for you I’m really happy for you.

Those nights and days strolling with two hearts beating near.
No fear shall tear apart the promise we make.
For the loneliest days and moments of sorrow.
I can borrow you and hope for your help.
There is light at the end of the night and it’s called love.

Bang bang. Amor has completed the mission.

I wish you an awesome day,

With the grasp of a hand

Hey there,

when was the last time you really felt the tight grasp of a beloved person? In my special case it’s about 4 weeks past. The circumstances were different compared to a love attachment. Strange word. Just googled it to be sure I’m not talking shit.

So then the “relationship” only went on for about two weeks and we loved and had some real nice moments together and even though I wore rose-colored glasses it felt special and also the grasp of her hands on my palms and even more in my heart. Today nothing special is happening. I am writing in this blog chilling on my couch eating some shit and trying to get things right in my head concerning relationships.

After the 2 weeks I was truly depressed, didn’t eat for about 2 days and did not go to school. It was a terrible feeling. Now that I mostly got over it I feel lonley as fuck. The computer does not say your good or gives you smiles when you caress his keyboard with your dirty hands. Music heals tiny inner wounds in repainting those surfaces.

In those times a simple touch can change everything. A gaze can warm your veins and give you strength to carry your life on and keep the wheel on turning. What if you can’t afford such a helping hand? In my case I try to get out with people that I barely even know. It sounds strange but I can get abstracted by those strangers. Even though we don’t share that much we care in some cases. We care about the person that stands right in front of us. Not in an emotional deeper way than a friend but when talking to a person or just giving a hug when we get to know them. So don’t deny a hug because it is a sophisticated social thing. Waitresses get even more tips when just touching the shoulder of a customer and I thing we in our society have unlearned to get in touch with people. Social media is conducive to this thing some may say. It depends on the social estate of a person how it changes life to use social media or technology.

So what does a grasp change? It can change everything. A day, a moment, a second, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime.

I wish you an awesome day,

Riding a bicycle

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Hey there,

what are those things called chances? Yesterday I went to a party waiting for a friend to get with her other friends in the club. I waited for about half an hour and then I went back home because I got the feeling of being alone and my heart began to race. Maybe it was some kind of a panic attack but I don’t really know. Never had such a thing I think. My former doctor never diagnosed this. I am searching for another therapist who can discover with me the dark shadows that lay on my past and are influencing my present.

The importance of this happening to me is immense. After the impact of waiting lonely with no other person in front of the club I talked to a friend of mine on the phone for about 3 hours. What let’s me feel good and what not. Sometimes we don’t use chances because we are held back by some keen emotions and commemorations. We are influenced by the social impact we got in our whole lifetime and with this melt pot of thoughts, experiences we try to master the way of life.

So what does Einstein want to say with this quote? In my opinion and you don’t have to agree with that he could have wanted to remind us that we decide in which way our life has to go. We have to decide. There is this free will of ours and the more or less great possibilities in life that we can pursue. But we have to take the chances and be true to ourself. In my belief and that is what I am learning now in days like these is that when you know what you want and stay to your right you can achieve real happiness. Whatever it takes ask yourself what makes yourself happy and do those things you got in mind. And if you don’t really know what would make yourself happy try something out that you think of could make you happy.

I wish you an awesome day,

 

 

 

Talking heals the world

Hey there,

today I wanna talk about the immense impact a little tattle can have on the relationship to another person. Sometimes there are aspects in the correlation you got with a person but there are things unsaid. Things that keep you quiet and you think you have to behave strong or not that natural in front of that person as you’d like to be.

We reason for this particular feeling is that you got anxiety. You won’t show your feelings because it makes you vulnerable or maybe the person gets another picture of you. In most cases these unsaid things block the most wonderful part of a relationship. Truth and adjacency. These things are only achieved by the hazard of getting yourself straight in a particular situation to this person.

Talk truth about a thing you really feel and you’ll get the answer. It’s hard to see but if you get into this dangerous field maybe you’ll win even more.

Are you afraid of showing your real self in front of a person? Are there unsaid things you just can’t say but are disturbing your relationship? Write it into the comments. ^^

I wish you an awesome day,

Your Henni

One thing at a time

Hey there,
Todays topic is something that many of you maybe do or not do intentionally. Procrastination.

We all got things to do and really want to do them well. But sometimes we get so distracted by other things that seem more interesting or important to us that we forget about the formerly mission.

I get hold back by many things and distracted easily. Sometimes i feel very depressed about it and fear that I could hit redundancy and die on the streets. That’s just the worst and I really hope no one of you will hit this stage in your life of becoming homeless. Here in Germany we got a social network that catches nearly everyone. Even those who cannot work anymore and are hit by a hard depression. I know that this is not the case in every country and I’m really happy that I can live here in Germany.

The main reason i am talking about procrastination is because i am trying to get a grip of the tasks that are offered to me. Like do a scribble of that, render this and take a photo of that. The importance of doing one thing after another in such harsh times of being everywhere is that you are just one person at a time.

When I eat, I eat. When I sit, I sit.

This can be said for nearly everything. Of course you should make plans. But when you work on something, do it right and don’t get distracted by those many other possibilities.

Have an awesome day,

Your Henni

Love in a time of social networks

Hey there,

we live in a time of social networks. Most of us use facebook to connect to different friends in various countries and with miscellaneous tongues. Within all this social life what is a hug worth?

What are kisses and real testimonies of value in those times?

Let’s see how social networks are working. Not the explanation of industrial economics. What I am talking about is the socially trend we are pursuing. Many people are sitting in front of their device and are communicating and in some cases it is really good to do it that way but are we really holding contact? Here I can only speak in my own experience with social networks like facebook, twitter and so on. We share our own life with a vast mass of people. Whether it’s the neighbor whom we see only if we accidentically meet at the letterbox or on a festivity held by one of the neighbors you are really chummy with. It is only an example for the arbitrariness we are having friends and holding contact with people.

Do we really need that much information of gentries that we use up time that we could use for others we really care about?

My relationship with facebook was quitted now about one and a half month ago. It’s not like a miss those gently reminders of birthdays or invitations to parties. The crucial argument I substitute is that we should really care more for the people we love. When there is a party and I am not invited by someone because I haven’t got facebook then I am sorry. Maybe I wasn’t even welcome on this party anyway.

I get a little nostalgic although I am only twenty one now. There was once a time when we called each other when we got problems. Most people just write a short message instead of talking to each other. We create a enormous amount of friends that we actually don’t know that much.

Can we really call 501 friends really friends? Maybe they are more acquaintances and the term is a little exaggerated by the social network but we are watching posts that aren’t even relevant for our own life on a timeline which we should moreover direct in the real life.

Like in the song of Ingrid Michaelson it just feels good to get a like or reply or whatever that acknowledges you exist. Scientists found out that a like or comment to our content we post on social media triggers our brain to produce endorphins which are mostly known for creating happiness in our mind. You can say those social medias can become a drug and are apprehended in Britain as a real addiction sickness. The folks who have got this problem need a therapy and are showing nearly the same symptoms like drug addicts and other addicts.

The social networks can be a trap. Many sociologists are stating that social networks are helping to create an even better network for many of us. How many of us forget that there is also a group of people who get more and more anxious of the real world. I am affected by this problem as well. It’s not a heavy burden like it was before two years though I feel real fear while thinking of some social actions.

Love can only be achieved by real contact. There is no thing that could ever replace a genuine hug or kiss. No chat nor written words in a network. The reality teaches that we only feel beloved when we get in contact with humans in the real world.

I wish you a wonderful day with people who love you,

Your Henni

Appreciation

Hey there,

I wish you all a good morning. Here in Germany we have got about 8am. Laying on my couch and try to wake up so I can go to school at 12am.

Today I want to talk about motivation and in a way also about inspiration. We all need this. Motivation. Whatever we do we do it to get something back. Sounds very selfish but that’s not the case. In most cases you expect some kind of appreciation. Maybe that’s an even better word for this. Appreciation. Either we would be very disappointed. If no one ever notices that you have done what you have done what is the case you have done it? Could be also a problem of mine if you don’t agree with me but in most cases when I do something for another person I only want at least that people react to it. That’s also a kind of acknowledgment.

In these days I don’t feel like my work is that appreciated by others. And also not by myself. And there lies the big truth. When I see my own work I really don’t like it that much. Is it the dissatisfaction with my own life. I have got so much and though I don’t feel fulfilled and happy. It’s weird but the most needed things are so essential and simple as you can think of. Human proximity. Friendship. Love.

Thank you for reading. I wish you an awesome day.

Your Henni

Settle Things

Hey there,

today I got an real issue to talk about. It’s kind a lack of mine and maybe some of you suffer from it like I do. Today I got a real long conversation on the phone with my mom who told me some things about my childhood and gave me her opinion about my feelings about future and my self-confidence.

In this conversation the most discussed topic and she read out a long list for me whether I have or have not a disease called Attention deficit disorder (abbr. ADD). It’s a disease which symptoms are lack of concentration, organisation and sometimes even social issues that combine to problem what can really make your life complicated.

I’m not a hypochondriac but the list my mom read out to me came really close to some situations I went through since my time as a teenager. So in the next weeks I’ll do a test at the doc to get the things straight. If I should have ADD then I know what to fight against and how to get rid of some of the symptoms. In the case all should work well and I get to know why my life is sometimes so overwhelming and not satisfying that would be the next step to get a aim to live for.

If there is someone who has got this disease I would really like to talk to him or her. Only to know what could await me afterwards if the test at the doc would be positive. Maybe I have hope to find something to know what problems I am fighting against. My psychological problems are so misty and not quite to see through.

Many people are under harsh conditions in this world. Many of us are living in a social isolation. I don’t want to live in this circumstances anymore. I want a live worth living with people to die for and people who love me like I am and also give everything.

I hope you have some of those. Or if not I’ll wish you the best to find someone who endows you the best of all presents in life: friendship.

Thanks for reading. Wish you an awesome day,

Your Henni